How To Be Great At Small Talk

Picture the scene. You arrive at a party or a work event, you look around the room, and you don’t recognise anyone that you know.

What would you do?

Would you play it safe and start scrolling on your phone?

Would you run to the toilet and hide out there for a while?

Or… would you step out of your comfort zone and talk to a stranger?

Most people would rather walk barefoot over Lego than start a conversation with a stranger, but it doesn’t need to be that way.

Here are three simple tricks that will help you become great at making small talk with anyone.

1. Don’t Panic

You know how when you first meet someone at the office or at a party, those first few minutes can feel super awkward?

You might be thinking: “What if they think I’m weird? What if I say something dumb?”

Well, here’s the thing – everyone feels that way!

The secret is to stop thinking of small talk as this scary test you have to pass.

Instead, imagine you’re playing a game where you’re both working together to keep the conversation going. It’s like when you’re playing catch – both people need to throw and catch to make it work.

We’ve seen this work amazingly well with even the shyest introverts – once they stopped worrying about what to say, and just focused on having a meaningful discussion, their whole body language changed, and people naturally wanted to talk to them more.

Instead of thinking of small talk as a necessary evil, think of it like building a bridge between you and another person.

After all, every friend and relationship that you have will have started with some kind of small talk!

2. Be Curious

The secret to great small talk is that it isn’t about what YOU say, it’s about asking questions and getting the other person to talk.

You need to spend more time on being INTEREST-ED, and less time on trying to be INTEREST-ING.

But how do you do that?

Well, instead of worrying about sounding smart or funny, just try to be curious about the other person by asking meaningful questions, instead of the usual boring ones that everyone asks about the weather or what they did at the weekend.

For example, you could ask someone WHY they do the job they do, what’s their dream holiday destination (and why), or even what they think about that new TV show that everyone’s talking about.

As long as you’re getting below the surface and finding out WHY someone feels the way they do about something, you’re off to a good start.

Then, instead of spending your time thinking of clever things to say next, keep asking follow up questions and make sure that you really listen to the answers. You’ve got to stay engaged in the conversation and show that you really want to know more about the person you’re talking to.

3. Learn To Pause

The most common mistake that people make when making small talk is to just catch bits of what someone said, and then jump straight in with their own thoughts and opinions.

Does that sound familiar?

When making small talk, remember that you don’t have to respond instantly as though you’re in a speed-talking contest.

It’s totally okay to take a breath and think about what you want to say.

Taking a quick pause helps you avoid those uncomfortable moments when you say something you wish you hadn’t.

One simple trick for doing this is to try repeating back what someone just said in your own words – it shows you’re listening and gives you time to think. If someone tells you about their weekend camping trip, you might say “Sounds like you had quite an adventure in the mountains!”

The best part about this is that while you’re doing it, you’re giving yourself extra time to think about what you might want to say or ask next.

Taking your time to understand, and then asking a follow up question is way better than rushing in with the first thing that pops into your head.

Just like getting better at a video game or sport, becoming great at small talk takes practice – but you can level up faster than you think!

Start small by practicing with people you see every day – the bus driver, your barista, or the person you keep seeing in the break room. Every small conversation will build your confidence for the bigger ones ahead.