How To Have Difficult Conversations

Difficult conversations are an inevitable part of leadership and management.

You might need to provide some tough feedback to a client or an employee, manage a stakeholder’s expectations, or give a less than favourable performance review. No matter what the situation is, there are plenty of tactics you can use to handle difficult conversations with employees effectively.

Here’s 6 quick tips to help you get started…

Tip 1: Acknowledge responsibility

The first step is to acknowledge your role in the situation.

This might mean you didn’t tackle the issue early enough, or perhaps you’ve contributed to the problem in some way. This is a vital first step because it can help prevent the employee from getting defensive and ensures your conversation starts on an equal footing. This is not about blaming yourself, but about demonstrating to your employee that you’re taking the issue seriously and are willing to take responsibility where necessary.

For example, if the problem is an employee constantly missing deadlines, you might begin by admitting that you should have addressed the problem sooner before it became a habit.

This sort of honesty can be disarming and encourages open communication from the start.

Tip 2: Define the outcome

You must define the outcome you want from the conversation from the outset.

This goal acts like a compass, steering your conversation in the right direction, particularly when feelings might get heated. It’s the anchor that stops the chat from going off-track into unproductive areas.

For instance, if you’re talking about an issue where your employee’s performance isn’t meeting expectations, the outcome you’re aiming for could be a clear action plan for improvement, along with a shared understanding of what doing a good job looks like.

With this goal set clearly at the beginning, both you and your employee know what you’re aiming for and what you hope the conversation will achieve.

Tip 3: Be specific

During difficult conversations, the more specific you can be, the better.

For your employee to change their behaviour, they must understand how they could have improved in specific scenarios. Rather than focusing on an individual’s personality or certain traits, concentrate on facts and examples. By doing this, you will also help to keep any personal biases at bay.

A great tip for how to give specific feedback is to use the phrases “I noticed that…”, followed by “and I was wondering…”

For example, you could say “I noticed that in our last team meeting when you were presenting the monthly sales report, you seemed a bit unprepared and stumbled over some of the figures. And I was wondering if you would find it helpful to have more time to prepare for the presentation?”

Tip 4: Actively listen

When giving feedback, it’s important that you also actively listen to your employee’s perspective.

It’s helpful to summarise out loud what the other person is communicating. That shows you’re listening and can also help clarify any misunderstandings. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but merely acknowledging their viewpoint can help them feel heard and understood, which can defuse tension and encourage openness.

If an employee explains they’re struggling with their workload, you could say, “I understand that you’re feeling overwhelmed, and it’s completely valid. Let’s work together to find a solution.”

This approach not only validates their feelings but also redirects the conversation towards brainstorming a solution together.

Tip 5: Restate the outcome

One great technique when conducting difficult conversations is to continually restate the outcome.

This tactic helps to keep the conversation on track and focused on solutions rather than problems. It’s easy for a conversation to get sidetracked, especially when emotions are running high. By restating the outcome, you can bring the conversation back on track and refocus on the solution.

For instance, if an employee becomes defensive or upset, acknowledging their feelings and then bringing the conversation back to the defined outcome can help to deescalate emotions and refocus the discussion.

Tip 6: Reflect and learn

After the conversation, take time to reflect on what went well and what could have been improved. This can help you better handle similar situations in the future.

Mastering difficult conversations requires courage, empathy, and patience. It is a skill that can be developed over time and with practice. By reflecting on what worked and what didn’t, you can ensure that your difficult conversations are productive, respectful, and will always lead to positive outcomes.

Remember, the ultimate goal of these conversations is not to reprimand or criticise, but to foster improvement, understanding, and a better working relationship.